Super Tired

Well I just found out today that I can't go see Elida during Spring Break. I am so mad and sad. I don't think I've ever been so mad and bothered by something in a while. It just really sucks because I was so excited to see her and I couldn't wait to spend time with my girlfriend. Unfortunately, that's gonna have to wait until who knows when. I've been waiting so long to see her and now I don't know when I'll see her again. It really vexes me so much! Especially since she gave me the most thoughtful and meaningful gift I've ever received. Sometimes I take for granted or don't recognize how much Elida knows and cares. She is an amazing person and I am super lucky to have her as a girlfriend. At times, I feel bad because she doesn't deserve a long distance relationship. She deserves the world and then some. I wish I could offer everything...

Valentine's Day

Well today is Valentine's Day and I am pretty much gonna spend it alone. Oh well, it's only because Elida isn't here but that's ok. I'm gonna go eat at Plaza 900 and see if anyone on my floor wants to join me. Most likely, I'll study and do some homework to catch up with school. Then, later tonight I have the brotherhood walk. I'm not looking forward to doing everything all over again. I feel so stupid and incompetent. I don't know why. I just do. I really need to make up for my mistakes and my laziness. It all ends today. I have made my schedule and I plan to stick to it. I don't care that tonight I might get back late because all that matters is that I get all my things back on track. I downloaded some music in order to occupy my time. Elida called me this morning too! But she was going to lunch with her friends. Maybe, well hopefully, we get to talk tonight. I really hope so. I miss her a lot. I also miss my family. I missed Priscilla's birthday party and I felt so left out of my family. I wanted to cry last night. Being forgotten can really set you back and suck. I want to go home soon but that might not be possible.

Observations

I never understood the complexities of life. Everything that happens and why it happens. The paths being paved and the paths already walked. It amazes me. Especially when I reflect upon my past instances and happenings. In the span of a year, I fell in love, graduated from high school, began college, joined a fraternity, crashed for the first time ever, and fully understood the consequences of being a man. Life has potential and it all comes down to what you are willing to put into it. In my lifetime there have been many events. I look back upon past relationships, friendships, and disputes. I have grown at a rapid rate and have been in and out of trends and phases, but when am I just gonna be me. Am I lost in the world or am I controlling the world. Which one is it? Can I actually change the world or will it change me first. I have been dealt many blows. I have had people hate me, hurt me, and ignore me. What have I done to make that happen. I've always tried to be loving and caring, yet, my natural character is cockiness and cold-hearted. What do I do to be perceived this way? You act one way only to be perceived another way. Right this moment, I'm sitting in the lounge of my hall, of my University, of the state of Missouri. I came from Dallas to Columbia in search of a dream, in search of a change, a possibility. What will I do with my life? In what direction am I headed? These are all questions that people never take the time to contemplate. Where will I go and will I change the world?

This Time For Real!!

I plan on doing everything I want to do in order to have a successful freshman year! I'm gonna go to bed early every night and wake up at 8 am every single day! I am extremely motivated and I want to find time to work out which would be every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. I don't want to just get by anymore!!! I went to the bookstore today and I bought cases for my iPhone and my MacBook. I need to get everything in order, now is not the time to be lazy! Tonight, I'm gonna write my paper and have one of the honors students read it and check it and then I'm gonna have Elida check it too! I need to work on math with Berry, I hate my calc teacher! I also need to write Elida another letter. I need to talk to the Gap tomorrow so that I can get a job during the day on Saturdays and Sundays. I think it would be a really good idea! I also need to wash clothes!....

....On a brighter note, Austin and I went sledding with 2 girls from Texas! It was awesome! I love the snow so much but I really need to buy a beanie! Tomorrow I might dress up because I like doing it. I talked to Obed the other day too! I miss that guy a lot. Talking to Elida last night made everything soo much better. I can't wait to see her for Spring Break!!

What's Going On!

I really don't understand what's going on. Everything and everyone around me is strange. Austin is going through another bad semester and it hurts to see him depressed. Kevin is being back stabbed by LXA. And most importantly, I really miss my family and Elida. I miss them so much! I wish I had gone to a school in Texas. However, that didn't happen and I have to live with my choices. I miss Elida a lot. I wish she could be with me all the time. It just sucks with her being away, well, I technically left. I know it should make our love stronger and whatnot but it makes it so hard and it breaks me inside. Even worse, we haven't talked that much and it sucks so much. Just hearing her voice makes everything so much better. It's amazing what love can do to you within a moments breath. I miss my brothers and my mother. It feels weird without them. I should really come back but I know that I have to do my own thing. Everything should get better soon, I plan on visiting Elida for Spring Break and then surprising my mom on some weekend.